I have been working on call quite a bit lately and so I am experiencing what it is like to try keep up a blog and work outside the house. I miss writing and wonder how I will fit it in when I go back to work, which leads me to that illusive thing called time again. I read last night that from a human perspective, time only exists because we exist. The meaning of time is only what we attach to it.
Sometimes it drags while at other times if flies. We waste time or try to buy time and we describe something as boring when we feel time is going slow or we find things hectic when we find time going too fast. But time is time. How can it be any different than what it is. A minute is a minute, an hour is an hour.
So it is we that attach meaning to this thing called time. We try to manage time when actually it is more likely that time is managing us. I have a perfect example of that. I feel like a bad time manager these days because I get up early to get ready to go to work, I use time to groom and then relax with a coffee. I drive to work, spend the day there and drive home again. By this time I feel a little unmotivated, as if what I had to do is done and now I can ‘waste’ time.
After dinner preparations, dining and clean up I feel it is time to relax and so by bedtime I am feeling like a bad time manager because I didn’t do the things I love like read, walk, knit, weave, bake, call friends, etc. But can I really manage time? Who or what is actually being managed if I schedule everything precisely and follow that schedule to a tee?
I think what I need is to ponder what living a quality life actually is. Unfortunately, like most other people I am caught in the net of measurement through accomplishing. I compare myself to others or to what I used to be able to get done. When I have a big list of accomplishments I feel good and when I have frittered hours doing things that I felt like doing I feel bad.
Perhaps it is time to throw the accomplishment measurement stick out the window with the scale that weighs me in pounds. So much measuring and managing time makes me dull and no fun. I wonder why I can’t just live each day and accept whatever I do or don’t without assessment?
Maybe it is because I am a teacher or because I had a busy hectic childhood? Who knows. Actually, writing about this is probably just another way of measuring something about myself, as if completing a blog post and working today makes me a better time manager and a better person.
After work today I am going to do whatever I feel like at the time. I might walk, I might read, I might work or bake or knit or just look out the window. Who know? Whatever it is I will try to choose my thoughts wisely and remember that today is meant for me to live, which does not have to include measuring or weighin in.